leaves on the ground in belltown, november 2011
I see how gorgeous you are before you fall to Earth.
You’ll need to be rotten and ugly and smelly for a while.
You’ll nourish next year’s beauty: so should be my mantra.
I can’t be a perfect autumn leaf, or a spring flower every day. Some days are about generating nutrients. Others are about shining. Introvert, extrovert: pick a theme.
-excerpt from my journal
In the last few days, the air has turned crisp. As I am typing this, a strong wind blows outside, yanking leaves from trees and tossing them all over the place. I just left the community center where we’re working on getting SUPP underway, and saw leaves blowing like crazy in a stream of rain-soaked wind.
The last few weeks have been challenging. I find myself afraid to surrender to the wind, to the falling leaves, to the chaos of change. I want to cling to the beauty of the gold and red and orange and yellow leaves, in denial of their new role as nurturers of the earth, no longer a feast for the eyes.
I made up my mind today that when I walked into the community center for SUPP, I wasn’t going to try to force the kids to participate. I want them to take part because that’s what they want to, not because someone is making them.
Unbeknownst to me, this seemingly defiant attitude of surrender seemed to be exactly what was needed; several students showed up unprovoked, and a few new ones even joined us. We had a fantastic impromptu lesson in Photoshop as we selected and prepared images for making stencils, and everyone seemed engaged, eager to complete their stencils for next week’s mini-mural and t-shirt projects.
fallen leaf in a fountain in belltown, november 2011
It got me thinking: maybe instead of trying so hard to control whatever change I need in this season, it’s time to surrender to the Universe and let her show me what I need. It’s not that I want to become inactive in this project or any of my goals; rather, I want to take a step back and allow it all to take shape organically.
Part of maintaining a yoga practice, both on and off the mat, is finding the balance between the constant interplay of opposing forces. Surrendering to fall is no different. In the coming weeks I am committed to allowing change to manifest in my life. I am trusting the Universe and my Path to bring me what I need. I am taking a leap of faith into the blustering wind, ready to flutter to the ground, to become muck, to find warmth under the soil. It’s time to begin a new cycle of nourishment and growth.
